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I wrote a letter to lionel after we got into a fight the other night.
i havenapos;t spoken to him in 48 hours...itapos;s the longest i havenapos;t spoken to him (or at least thatapos;s how it feels).
itapos;s so hard. So so hard.
i knew it would be.
i told him that we canapos;t be intimate with each other anymore.
i feel like i want to sometimes...but i end up pulling away, feeling unattached, as he grows more attached.
i canapos;t keep pulling his chain like this.
he deserves so much better. so much better.
i give him nothing but pain and sadness and i hate myself for it.
i want him to be happy, and i want to be able to make him happy...but thereapos;s nothing i can do but this.
the only way to save him is to hurt him, and thatapos;s something iapos;m having the hardest time living with.
i miss talking to him so much...i hope heapos;s ok.
i want him to be ok.
i miss him so much.
i miss my best friend.
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