amatorial bisogno

������ Iapos;m unbelievably tired of trying.�Whether it be by studying or working out or what have you. Yeah Iapos;m a sucker, I still do it, I still study and work out even though progresses may be slow... I�still have some faith but I donapos;t want to do this anymore.� I know I shouldnapos;t be complaining, my problems are minute, simple - even, but they are still my problems.� I wish I could do whatever the hell I want and feel good about it, but� when I do, when I tell everything and everyone to fuck off; it getapos;s me no where.� Iapos;ll eat however much I want to eat and Iapos;ll feel sick after wards.� My quixotic self-gratification only leaves me even more angry and depressed with myself.�

����� Iapos;ve also been immature and stubborn lately but to be honest, I only do or act that way when I want attention.� That may sound really stupid but itapos;s the blunt truth.� I want attention but only from a certain person.� He gives me attention, and cares. I know heapos;s busy studying and all of that only to complete his goals and I understand that I just want more of his attention, because yes, I can be selfish.

����� Well, in all honesty I just want all of this to be over, I hope I continue to work harder and receive some sort of prize in the end -_____-apos;.� What can i do right?

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